After being in Portland for nearly a year, we have decided to stay another. This is the best city I’ve ever been to. Really. (except for Barcelona, of course) I’m sure in my past journal entries I’ve touted all the wonderful things about the city, so I won’t repeat myself. Or should I? Nah…
In all honesty though, I’ve been disappointed with the lack of sunshine, especially since it’s summer. I’ve been so excited about the 6-8 weeks of blue sky, mild heat, golden rays and the feeling of youth for 3 months now. “They” said it would come. “Make it through this winter and you’ll see why we live here.” Okay. I made it through the winter. I’ve been patient. I’m in deep yearning now for hot summer days. Yearning.
After some grown up thinking over the past couple of weeks, in my head the conversation goes somewhat like this: why do I need the sun to make me happy? Isn’t happiness internal? If I am internally happy, then wouldn’t it manifest itself externally, regardless of the weather? Was I this dependent on the sun in Ohio? Is the weather just merely something to gripe about and bond over? Wait in line anywhere and someone will say something about the weather. It’s too hot. I’m sick of the snow. When will the rain ever end. The forecast calls for more rain…more snow…more heat.
When I was younger I didn’t give a hoot about the weather. Why is it when we get older we focus on the weather? Penny, I love you girl. You know that. Why are you measuring the rain these days?! Don’t those weather jerks tell you what’s going on in “your neck of the woods?” Mark Johnson – he cut Oprah off to show a hail ball for 5 minutes. A frozen rain ball. Oh…wait…now I get it. Men and their sports. Always chasing balls. But I digress.
I’ve decided I need to get over it. The weather that is. Seriously. I need to dig into what is good and love it. Every day. If the sun shines or not. Get outside, get some fresh air, find something to do. Most importantly, I need to find somwhere to belong. In Cleveland, I once belonged to a big group with the same religious beliefs. When that was lost, I created a family amongst fitness friends. Now that too is in the past – and I miss that family immensely. So much so that I’ve often thought about a move back. But that would be an emotional move, not from the right place. (Erin, that damn book is kind of good)
Since I’m doing all this thinking though, as a married grown up with child (who would have ever thought…) I don’t want to run back home to where I’m comfortable. I want to expand. I want to explore. I’m thankful that I found a man who wants nothing less for me. And thankful that our little girl has a sense of adventure.
I’m slow to make friends. It takes a lot of time and effort, and, quite frankly, I don’t have a lot of extra time and I put most of my efforts into our family. Thank goodness I’ve found a fun, loyal, in your face honest girlfriend who lives in our building. Now, if I can convince a gym that I can still kick some serious ass, things might really start to come together. Rain or not.
With love, from Portland
(taken from July 21, 2011 journal)